What I Would Tell My 16-Year Old Self
Wow! This is a post that came to my mind after writing a guest post for another blog. I wanted to write this blog for many reasons. 1) I want to encourage other girls who have gone through what I've gone through 2) I want to hopefully prevent other girls from going through what I've gone through 3) I want to reflect back on my teenage years and share what I've learned through my experiences.
My teenage years were interesting, to say the least, lol I battled depression, trying to fit in, low self-esteem and much more. I constantly tied my self-worth to the opinions of others and found myself in the same degrading situations over and over again. I wanted to impress my peers and I wanted boys to like me so I sacrificed my values for their approval not knowing they truly did not care about me.
Now, looking back on my teenage years I would tell my 16-year old self three things:
You are important
It is ok to be yourself!
Other people's opinion of you do not matter
When I was a teenager I battled with feelings of abandonment even though I did not know abandonment was what I was feeling at that time. (Btw I still struggle with those feelings to this day but thank God for therapy and Jesus lol) Because of those feelings, I didn't feel like I was important. I felt dispensible and even though this was not true, it was how I felt. Looking back, I would tell my younger self that I am important and that I do matter. I would tell my younger self that I am seen and known by God and that I do not have to do things to make myself seen and known by man.
Before I got to high school I was a scholar in school. I never received anything lower than a B in my classes and I was always on merit or honor roll. When I got to high school, I felt being smart was not as cool or attractive. I dumbed myself down a lot, skipped classes and put me graduating from high school in jeopardy which was completely unlike myself. As a 24-year old adult, I would tell my 16-year old self that it is ok to be myself. I would tell myself that it is ok to be smart, it is ok to go to class and make good grades and that making good grades would open up many doors for me in college. I would tell myself that anyone that doesn't value school or education is not someone that I should be around.
It wasn't until recently that I began to stop caring about what others thought of me. I spent a large portion of my life making decisions based on others people's opinions including my family, friends, and guys that I liked. I remember telling myself that I would wait until marriage to have sex but shortly after I got to high school that all changed. I cared more about what people thought about me than I did my morals and standards. I cared more that people wouldn't see me as the "good girl" than I did staying true to what I believed and wanted for my life. I would tell my 16-year old self not to worry about what other people think because they have no control over your life and most of the people who have opinions you won't even be friends with after high school. Most of the people I wasted time worrying about do not have a role in my adult life. I would assure my 16-year old self that I have an amazing life to live and that I do not have time to stop and carry the weight of other people's opinions.
Even though I feel like I made so many mistakes as a teen, God used those mistakes to grow me into the woman I am today. I am now able to speak into the lives of girls younger than me and when I have children, I can tell them the things I wish I had known as a young girl.
What would you say to your 16, 13 or even 21-year old self?