Why “Thinking Like a Man” Can Be a Dangerous Dating Strategy for Women

We have all heard about Lori Harvey and Micheal B. Jordan’s new relationship and if you haven’t, let me give you a brief synopsis. Lori Harvey is the step-daughter of famous comedian-turned talk show host and relationship advisor, Steve Harvey. She has become quite the socialite over the past 2 years when her dating history was put on display after she broke off her engagement to a professional soccer player. After that, she went on to date various famous rappers and now she is in a relationship with heartthrob and seemingly “good guy” Micheal B. Jordan. So now that we have a quick recap of who she is, let’s talk about why she’s making headlines again.

When word got out that this couple became “Instagram Official”, Lori was praised for how she seemingly made the “ultimate come up” in being in a relationship with successful Micheal B. Jordan. She was praised for dating multiple men because this is supposedly how you’re supposed to behave when you’re younger. A few years ago, her step-father catapulted the phrase “Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man” into a best-selling book and it even became a movie starring comedian Kevin Hart. The concept became very popular because women were looking for a way to win at dating. Many women feel that men have an advantage in dating because they are able to disconnect their emotions when dealing with women much more easily than women can thus enabling them to move smoothly through dating without getting hurt. Women were tired of putting their hearts, minds, and bodies out there for men who were not reciprocating the same behavior. So Steve Harvey crafted a manual to help women learn to play the same game that some men play, in order to win at dating and ultimately win a relationship that leads to marriage if they so choose.

Now, I’m writing this blog to discuss how this can be a dangerous game for women and in turn, will not give you the outcome you’re looking for.

The biggest elements of “acting like a lady and thinking like a man” is game playing and acting like someone you aren’t until you get what you want. So for example, when a woman meets a guy she has to act like she isn’t interested in him in order for him to be interested in her. Then once they begin dating, she has to continue to act like she’s not that interested in him so that he doesn’t think she’s desperate or over-eager for him and doesn’t run him off. She can’t initiate any texts or phone calls. She always has to wait for him to initiate dates or any type of activities and she also should date other people at the same time. This sounds fun and it sounds like something that would work right? The funny thing is, all of the couples that followed these rules and played these games in the movie found out that THEY DON’T WORK! They found that love is bigger than games and decided to just follow their hearts and be with each other.

I tried this method of dating in high school and for a few years in college. During those times, I was dating guys that did not want to commit to a relationship and I got tired of giving up parts of myself in an effort to get them to commit. I thought that if I began to act like I didn’t like the guy I was seeing if I didn’t give them any type of emotional energy and if I didn’t have sex with them and seemingly tricked them into falling for me so that they can show emotions before I did that it would make them commit to me. I also began dating more than one person at a time. I had an “I don’t care” attitude because I felt that would make men like me and chase me more. Honestly, that’s not the type of woman that I am. One of the things that I love best about me and that draws people towards me is the fact that I am in tune with my emotions and because of that, I can empathize with others. I didn’t like dating multiple people at a time for long periods of time because I didn’t think that was fair to either person. I also like to give my best self and my all to someone that I made a genuine connection.

So pretending to be someone that seemed emotionless, didn’t really want a man, and didn’t care if they were around or not made me very hardened towards men. It honestly did the opposite of what it was supposed to do. I was supposed to be a woman that was carefree and just wanted to have fun. But I became a woman that was distrustful of men, cold-hearted, and always to “win”. That doesn’t work well when in your heart you really want to find love and commit to someone. I actually ended up attracting more of the same men that I wanted to get away from. Even though I seemed to be carefree, when I was alone by myself my heart would actually ache because I was becoming colder and I wasn’t being my true self.

The reason why this dating method can become dangerous is that even though Lori Harvey has dated very successful men and seems to be able to rebound easily, we don’t know the condition of her heart. We don’t know if she’s using these men to fill a void in her soul. We don’t even know if she actually likes dating this way or if she feels that she has to do this in order to finally settle down with a man that she loves and that loves her.

Also, if you pay close attention you’ll notice that Micheal B. Jordan is the only man she’s publicly dated that doesn’t have the reputation of being a “player.” All of the other men she has been linked to has a reputation of dating multiple women and not committing to anyone or of dating women for decades and not marrying them. This is what I mean when I said earlier that when I used this dating method, I only attracted guys that did not want to settle down and be serious.

The other reason why this dating method can become dangerous is that anytime you try to play games with a person you are not being honest with them. You’re lying and presenting a false persona of who you are in order to be liked by others. What happens when this persona eventually fades? What happens when you are no longer able to use the tricks you used to get someone? Do you think that person will stay? Will that person be upset with you for lying to them? How can you begin a relationship based upon lies?

Even if we think Biblically, when we begin to behave this way are we truly honoring other people? Are we treating them the way we should be according to God’s standard? Or are we making our own wants and needs the primary focus and forgetting about everything else. God looks at how we treat other people even in dating. He cares about whether or not we’re using people to make ourselves feel good. He cares about if we’re using people in order to gain power over them. That stuff matters.

Yes, I understand that a lot of us women have been hurt by men multiple times. But before you begin “acting like a lady” and “thinking like a man,” look at the condition of your heart. Examine what your hurts and pains are and contemplate if changing your dating strategy will really get you to want you want. I know that lifestyle seems fun and exciting and it seems like you will get the man you want without heartbreak, but look at the downside of behaving that way and decide if it’s worth behaving like a person you truly are not.

The best thing is to just be you. Be who God has called you to be without all of the games and all of the strategies. Trust me, you will be pleased in the end.